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Unfortunate

Best Travel Improvement EVER

I am telling YOU-- international traveler- no matter if you go once in 5 years or 15 times each year, you MUST get the Global Entry Trusted Traveler Card/Approval. (well, if your home airport has it)

The best idea from the worst customs dept.

We all know that the LAX customs line for re-entry is probably THE WORST in the entire world, (although Greece was pretty bad)  I want to kill myself waiting in that line for one hour at least every time I come home and I'm sooo tired and greasy and my bloated cankles feel like my skin is going to split open, and you wind back and forth with the same freaks staring at you every turn you make or trying to make small talk and you're thinking god there is probably skin flaking off my chin and I've got dry lips and probably that little skin flick at the top of my nostril.-- and don't even TRY to imagine my state of mind if there is a screaming baby in the line after getting off a 14 hour flight. I WILL call out loudly and ask the attending supervisor to push that woman through to the front of the line or I WILL lose it right here-- and she does and the other people are glad too.  BUT NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING!  Why is it always left to me.  Because I'm the most intolerant person in the group I suppose.

 So I investigated this G.O.E.S. program that we've always said we were going to--where you jump through a bunch of hoops and interviews, make an appointment at LAX, pay $100, then you get approved to go right to the front of all the lines, slide your passport thru a kiosk and put your four fingers on a scanner and whooooshhhhhh-- you're done.  no waiting, there is no line for the kiosks, no suspicious looks or questions about where you've been from those supercilious power mad border agents---you get your luggage first before anyone else from the line even arrives, and then theres a separate line for you to exit baggage and turn in your customs form.  wow!!!

Elga and Diana-- it seems even BETTER than the diplomat line!

Even with this picture where I look like some
Thai drug mule, I get through like that "snap!"

DO IT.

http://www.globalentry.gov/

Due to Overwhelming Demand....

There will be additional bits and bobs addendums and random postscripts posted soon.  Stay tuned!

This is it people, this IS "all the details about India"

To all the people contacting me saying "I want to hear all the details about India"-- now that I am back home--thats why I wrote the damn blog, so I didnt have to tell the story 700 times!!!  Come on people, what else do you want?  I reported on every minute of every day I was there.  There are no more "details"!!!!

Peace and love, peace and love but I will not sign any more items --after the 22nd of October it will be TOSSED.  with peace and love Peace... and....Love  (thats to Howard fans only)

Oh nooooooo, please, nooooo!!!!! HUGS.................

LAST DAY AT THE OFFICE --FRIDAY SEPT 30 2011

Our final project to finish was the photography of new product and jewelry that we had worked on durig my "residency".  The only output the photographer and graphic artist have ever done is taking flat white shots of new product--

They've been sending this way for 5 years

and print out art that other people send them (as we did from Blue Moon too.) I encouraged "You don't always have to send them straight boring pictures like this, try using some props or arranging them in some interesting way to look more appealing-- give it a try and show me--here was what I got first-

see the nice props - a notebook? and artfully arranged with tags askew

next try:  scary black stuff with chopped arm for jewelry

And I said carefully "Well.... that's definitely a start in the right direction, but lets try something else-- for our new lines of jewelry for example." I said grab a bucket we're going to get some good props.  I lead them out to the back of the factory where there are piles and piles of junk and old rusty metal and rough old weathered wood, stones and chips of marble, beautiful leaves from tropical bushes here and there.

As we passed by single file,  me leading, Shadab following, and "the man" carrying our bucket-- all the contsruction workers truly thought I was insane and yelled out to the man "what are they doing, what is it, what does she want?"  I'm sure the man replied "who knows I just carry this shit"-- because here is a well dressed white westerner tip toe-ing with sparkly sandals through mud and over piles of rebar and rusty nailed planks, picking up old sticks, broken marble, and pieces of only the rustiest crudest metal and considering each one "hmmm. no, this is not right" etc. and throwing it back-- the construction guys eventually became excited about participating, and started bringing me pieces of junk to see if it was usable. "No, not that, yes, this is good! No, no, oh yes this one" etc. hilarious. The nice part (so Memsahib of me) was that even Shadab the graphic artist does not carry the bucket of junk, there are much lower pay scale men who do this sort of carrying, so "the man" toted up a very heavy load of metal, stone and rocks for us up 3 flights to my office.

I said ok bring in your rickety photo lights and place them like so, put the metal here and hang the necklace on it, a few pieces of green in the background, make sure you focus on the item and fuzz the back out with short depth of field, etc. showing them some examples from internet searches.

Now many office people from the floor I worked on begin to crowd into the small office to watch the show--crazy white girl putting beautiful jewelry on carefully arranged junk. Mr. Saha peers in-- shouts in alarm "Marni! (He is the detail-obsessed-regimented-routine-every-Sunday-9 am-at-the-fishmarket--unchanging-cautious one) "You MUST NOT handle this material--if you get cut by this you can contract THE TETANUS DISORDER. I have seen this happen many times. Please--have "the man" (who carried the junk) handle it for you."    I said no Mr. Saha it is fine I'm very careful, and I already have tetanus shots.  (However, the day before I DID get a cut on my index finger from some old stone beads covered in dirt and immediately washed for 10 minutes and quickly applied one of my bandaids with neosporin in the pad.)  That night it began to hurt and look a little infected-- I dreamed that a huge green larvae grew inside my cheek and had to be cut and pulled out in big puss-oozing pieces -- the doctor had a hard time getting it all because it had become attached to my nerves and muscles, so gross!)  So yes, it is a concern what you can catch out there.....

We took a few shots and put them up on the computer for all to look at.

Not bad for first try with "real" props--click on the pic to see larger
version which shows more detail

Many OH!!  BEAUTIFUL!  OH VERY NICE, YES!  comments from everyone, and so when the next pieces were photographed everyone had to have a say "No, more to the left.  It is crooked.   More rocks.  Higher up on the metal.  Place it in the center." and I just stood back and watched.
With these images cropped they will work very well for a line sheet to send out. 

cropped.  the rusty metal looks great. Keep in mind these
are just first sample prototypes, the wirework will be much improved
in production for orders

So I saved the last important topic, that I was so afraid to ask, for lunch with the Guptas that day --"Would you agree to co-brand the finished jewelry lines with me?  Design a new logo, etc?" and they immediately said yes, that would be great, good exposure for you and for us being associated with a great designer!  Wow that was easy.  Imagine a much cooler logo but the content would be--

Could be a new direction in life

LEAVING FOR THE AIRPORT
It was my mistake not to learn the phrase "I dont hug" in the politest and most delicate Hindi because all these women -- the sample makers, my two jewelry assistants, the manager of the sample makers, the lowly assistants of the sample makers who can't speak any english, the woman who cleaned the stairs every day and we greated each other with palms together "Namaste" (I think the men basically just flick their hands at her or grunt like "Get out of my way" or never acknowledge her at all?), somehow were sooooo sad (seemed unnaturally intense to me?) to see me go and hugged me so tight and all gave me gifts of jewelry they made and handcrafted pillows  and other little doo-dads and their email and cel phone numbers?  There are no women in any positions of power there, so I guess it was new and fun for them to work with me and be encouraged to bring their own ideas to the table, many of which I used and were great.  Isn't that sad that they never had that opportunity even in these modern times?  I made a point to tell the Guptas constantly how much they had contributed and that this or that one should be promoted to design director etc.

Even a few of the guys wrote me these emails "thank you for teaching me new ideas and techniques to improve my skills" and normally I would feel the tone was snarky and sarcastic (to have a WOMAN teach them something) but I think they were real.

One more thing for the office workers to laugh at --- I had previously asked Sakshi what the brooms were called that the people sweep dirt with every day, and she told me"Char Doo" or for a smaller one that would fit in my suitcase a "Chortah Char Doo"  I said I wanted one.   "for what??!!" I said to hang on my wall, it is a memento to remember all the dirt, plus a beautiful hand-made natural piece of art, in my opinion.

So as my last send-off Sakshi grandly hands me my Char Doo and I say "Oh my gosh, thank you SOOO much!!!  my Chortah Char Doo!!!" and everyone laughs very loudly, and Sakshi says no --"Charrr Dooh"-- (sounded the same to me) what you just said is "My little magic!"  ha ha ha once again I wonder, what HAVE I been saying in Hindi that is wrong and would obviously be why people look at me like I'm mental?

You only buy the bottom part, the long grass tied together, and you have to find your own stick to shove into it.  One of the props was just the right thickness so I broke it in half and put it in the brush and pretended to sweep a little bit and this brings on HUGE laughs from the crowd.  'What is she going to do with it?  Why did you give her that?  Why does she want it?  and Sakshi explains in Hindi how I will hang it on my wall at home as art.  Total blank confusion on their faces and murmuring.

I walk out to the car all packed with my stuff and dozens of people follow me out and crowd around "good bye miss marni! we will miss  you!!  come back soon!!!"  a few more hugs.  Ther driver pulls out and all wave together-- it was really nuts and ridiculous.

Last Evening in Varanasi-- Dinner at Guptas House-- Thursday Sept 29

I was actually a litle surprised that I was only invited once to dinner, I assumed I would go to Sunday dinner with them every week or something while I was there?  But with Shivani being 8 months pregnant and Siddharth's mother's health deteriorating (she's not long for this world), I guess I wouldn't feel like entertaining either.

Siddharth gave me the tour of  his and Shivani's new apartment in "the complex"-- in families the daughters go to live with the husbands family and the sons bring their new wife to live with his family. 

I wish I could have taken pictures but it would have been gauche.  Their apartment is like an ad in Style magazine or something, all this cool eco bamboo wall coverings, ancient wooden console tables and shelving, huge handwoven baskets, cool chandeliers, backlit marble sides of a full bar in Siddharth's "man cave' with a leather couch that goes around the entire room, lighting is perfect --recessed and dim just my style, huge screen with projector internet connected to watch anything anytime--music, videos, movies-- and he asks me what I would like to hear and I say how about anything old like Tablas or Ragas?  Beep Boop Beep he bring up a list on screen-- "Oh, here's one about Hanuman since your god is the monkey god" and he plays it, wow, what a scene man. drinking gin in the richest man's home in Varanasi.

Gupta Senior arrived later and after cleaning up and putting on his relaxing "at-home" white Kurti (Brig you remember how comfy these were!!) and gives me the tour of his planned Sauna, Pool, Whirlpool, Cabana entertainment area, huge landscaped garden with waterfalls and ponds-- as I've said before, Jesus H. Krishna-- it was incredible.  As we walked with a flashlight around the grounds,  suddenly right next to me a pile of blankets on top of a wooden table moves and I startle with audible intake of breath-- a man is lying there.

I look at Siddharth  "Yes, a few of the men are sleeping here."

So while the family is inside living the life, the construction workers (the cheapest labor you can imagine-- they make about $2 a day) are lying out in the open on cement or wood with one blanket outdoors.  How about a cot or futon for them?  a pillow?  geez.

So we say good bye and Shivani gives me a big box of my favorite-- PISTA BARFI.  Doesn't that sound delicious?  Its a sweet treat covered with paper thin real silver foil and one of the most delicious things I ever tasted.

We take our goodbye photos-- notice Abhiminyu in the background, he is seething, somehow really pissed or jealous that I am able to socialize with these men.  He acts like I am his possession or girlfriend or something.  Over the few weeks he has even stopped at certain shops where his friends work and called them over to take a look at me.  "See this?  This is what I got!"  Ah ha!! they say and nice to meet you shake hands etc and wink at Abhi.  Ewwww.

Me and my odd soulmate Mr. Gupta Senior

Me, Ashok Kumar Gupta, Siddharth Kumar Gupta



Tuco! I got your message!!!

Thursday morning Sept 29--  This morning I heard quite a commotion of chattering and chirping at my window at the hotel-- there is no ledge outside the window, only 1/2" of concrete frame, so no birds ever perch there.  I turned to look at the visitor and it was a beautiful bright green Indian ringneck parrot, chatterig away at me. They are usually extremely skittish and hard to get close to.   I came closer to take a picture and he did not fly away, just kept chattering very meaningfully.   Sorry again, very bad photo--

Indian Ringneck Parrot with a message

I believe he was delivering a message from Tuco-- "Tuco has sent me, through the international parrot undergound network, that he wants you to come get him as soon as you can.  Thank you, good bye." 

What Else Ya Got, Baby Krishna?

I was thinking life was getting a bit too easy after the earthquake and mudslides, but now we're back on track--someone said the most rainfall in Varanasi since 1975.  Sounds right.

If you ride a scooter to work, you ride it

If you horse cart, bicycle rick, or take your milk to be sold, you still do it

If you must drive through an underpass even though
you have no idea how deep or what is under the water, you go through it

If you walk to school, you walk to school today as well. 
Who knows what is under there!!??
aggghhh!!!!

If you root through piles of garbage, you wade over to it and root.
Maybe the better stuff floats or the water softens up the rotten pile so you can root easier?

Things to laugh at Marni about in the office

Lets all have a laugh, shall we?  And listen up PIMSLEUR SIMON & SCHUSTER LANGUAGE LEARNING CD'S-- basically you have made me look silly and out of touch with the style of language you are teaching.  If I was meeting new colleagues in business with this language they would all look at each other like "what the?....."  Time to update.

out of date

So my young protege Sakshi (the "hookah" girl who I thought was the most hopeless) has become a fashionista designer since I've been here teaching her the fine lines between super cool and stupid or ugly or ridiculous.  She is truly a great designer now, she gets it, she is proactive, she comes up with some better ideas than I do (so impressed!!!).

Prachi, me, Sakshi
yes my expression looks a bit mental but wouldnt you be
after this many days  here?


So anyway, we have become very good "work" friends, even though she is only 22 or 23, something like that, so I asked her to tell me honestly why I get these reactions when I say -- and I reeled off a few phrases. She laughs "Your language is so old-fashioned, no one has spoken that way for many years!" maybe 100 years!!

I probably sound like Jane Austen thrust into a modern world. "Oh it is not to be bourne!!" and yet the very old people look at me with a mixture of shock and choke back an exclamation of pleasant surprise and chuckling, wondering how could I know the old fashioned way of speaking? anyway-- its funny.

I found out there was a lane of hand- made shoe shops "near the Hotel Pradeep"-- no addresses here, just "near something"  So I went last night- the same shoes that are in the mall next to my hotel for $1500 rupees ($32)  were $280 rupees there.  I knew I could find a better price.  I got these all gold sparkly hand beaded leather shoes totally gorgeous and comfortable for $5.95.  The men at the shop had some snide comments that I could not understand but I could hear the tone.  They wouldn't sell me these beautiful red shoes because they said they are wedding shoes for a woman-- "Are you getting married?"  "No, so what, in the US no one will know, just let me buy them"  "NO!  these are to be worn only once, on the woman's wedding day".  "Okay well I AM engaged-- but our wedding is not for one year, I need to plan ahead,"  "NO!"

I wore the gold to work today and Sakshi told me "Those are MANS shoes!!"  ha ha ha all the  jokes on me.  well I don't care-- they are sparkly gold, elegant and feminine.

QUOTE OF THE DAY:
At lunch I asked the Gupta's if I could get another driver after work because Abhi said he was busy or going on a trip or something.  Gupta senior bombastically yells out "Marni WHY WOULD YOU WORRY ABOUT SUCH THINGS!!!??  IF IT WAS UP TO ME I WOULD SEND YOU HOME ON AN ELEPHANT DRAPED WITH GOLD AND A BAND, AND A MAN YELLING "COMING THROUGH, MAKE WAY, QUEEN MARNI FROM CALIFORNIA COMING THROUGH!!!!"  and we all laughed VERY hard at this image.

 

Transformation on the 12th Day

On the first day and through the first week, Kali (below) was the heat,

and I was the destroyed one under her feet. 

Pouring sweat out of my face, a/c at full blast in my room

or in the car to/from work was still not enough, sweating the second I had to walk

out of our offices to the non-a/c parts...truly in hell.

By Day 12-- this past Thursday, I noticed, I asked to turn down the car a/c to "1" from 2 or 3.  I was not pouring sweat.  I could not take the a/c so high in my room, and last night when I went to sleep--  (Okay "passed out" if you want to get technical -- after drinking some wine on an empty stomach) I did not even turn the a/c on.  But get this -- I did not sweat, and when I woke up I thought gee its quiet, and noticed the air was off. 

I've never stayed in such a hot climate for this much time before, I didn't know a transformation was possible.  (Remember I ran screaming out of the jungle before even 40 hours had passed) 

Now I am becoming more in tune, comfortable, able to deal, feeling more like the monkey:

See the holy light emanating from me now.
Thats the red oily ghee from the monkey temple on my forehead.
Maybe going there helped, like Guru Ji told me....

Ughhh, what is SHE doing here

Honing in on all my light skin blonde hair action.  And if I feel like I'm treated like Paris Hilton here--

cell phones snapping pictures all day long wherever I go--I am the rare white bird/elusive snow leopard, children crowding around in the streets to touch me and giggle and ask me where I'm from, then how is Paris HILTON treated here.....her head might explode.

Quick Pics

Doo dee doo, nothin to do today....
Seems like the mans natural state is to lie around in the dirt

This says a lot right?   I got a local Indian wireless card while I'm here,
and this is the error message-- "Not READY to work"

Whereas the womans natural state is as a bright sparkly unbelievably
clean beacon of beauty amid the dirt and chaos, going places, things to do.

Some guys who may or may not be fixing the road.
Sitting around a "manhole"-- maybe they hang out down there.

This guy Mantri at the Gupta's guest house asked me to take his picture.
 I'll print it out and drop it off to him this week.

Flashing by in traffic, didn't quite catch a good image, but here
is another dead body being WALKED to the river, and let me tell you these
guys were miles from the river right here. 

WOW!  I'm surprisingly excited when I see a big pile of new, CLEAN DIRT!!  I just wanted
to go over and dig my hands and feet in and smush them around just to FEEL the clean.

Only seen 3 or 4 bony skeleton horses pulling carts
 the whole time I've been here, horses are the least likely sighting it seems.
But I'm not sure how to feel about 3 running wild in the streets.
  It appears they've had enough food, at least.  Rare to see this.

Siddharth's Grandparents, Mr. Gupta's parents, the man that started the whole company,
and established this part charity/inexpensive guest house in town. 
Its weird right, to have your likeness
in statuary displayed in the side of a building?

So if its weird, I better get a picture with it. 
And yes I should stand up straight.

Grabbed by Monkeys and Vomiting Paan

To start, just a catchy little item--

Three Muslims on a Motorcycle
Heading to evening prayer-- I think the middle one has a cleft palate

I remember that Guru Ji told me in December 2009-- Hanuman is your "god" or the one I should pray to and keep a picture of to look at each morning, and I haven't had my fill of monkeys even after this many days-- staying in the nice area of town they are chased away or just don't come around,or they are hiding in the NICE green forests and fields instead of sorting through garbage heaps.

So last night I asked Abhi to take me to the Hanuman Monkey Temple. He was so thrilled that I asked to go to a temple, ever since I told him I don't have any religious beliefs he has been horrified by my lack of religion and pushing me to go to the all-cultural temple, the Muslim temple, the Krishna temple... etc.  Now he feels I might be finding some religion.  I just want to see my goddamn favorite things in the world, those maniacal humanoid macaque monkeys.

We pull in just at dusk and there are my little darlings (or rabid pests, whichever you prefer) hopping rooftops and fences, here and there, screeching, chirping, squawking, little babies, teens, HUGE male adults, etc. I am in retard clapping mode heaven.

Outside Hanuman Temple, Varanasi

Heading inside, the most dreaded phrase I hear when traveling comes at me "No photos miss"   Noooooooo!!!!!  this is the most exciting and beautiful part of the whole trip and I can't snap a couple photos?  oh man, I know it keeps it real holy but dammit now I can only describe.

We TAKE OFF OUR SHOES because it is what you need to do-- and so there, I've done it, barefoot in Varanasi in a big public trampled dirty muddy place.  my cheap gold sandals stand out like a beacon of holy sequins amid a mountain of muddy black plastic shoes. I turn them over and push them into a corner.  you must pay the man a couple Rupees to "watch your shoes".

We take a quick turn around the place, people are quiet, praying, a small "bible study" type group is listening to a man speak - he is ever so deified lounging in this raised bed on the cement stage, he must be really holy. A group of musicians sit in a back corner-- about 15-16, just lovely Indian music.

Abhi tells me what to do when we enter or hit each hot spot-- "here you must wash your hands" -- it looks like a dirty Chinese toilet and I'm barefoot-- I said sorry, no, I'm not going over there.  So Abhi washes and brings me his cupped hands full of the holy water and I rinse with it.

Here you must touch the steps then your forehead, here you must clasp your hands in prayer (like the Thai- palms together) here you must put the red holy spot on your forehead by reaching into this oily pot that kazillions of filth covered germ bags have been in all day.  I do it.  I've come this far barefoot, why not??

So that's it, here is the god of music, here is the spot where the "bomb blast" of 2006 happened-- its about 3 feet square a few broken bricks and a tree with one half blackened by fire.  not too "bomb" looking.  its just Hindu/Mulsim anti this or that, nothing major, just little stupid people setting off some firecrackers it looks like.

Okay, so since I cant take pictures I just want to go back to the long entrance hall where all the little trouble makers are cavorting.  I walk pretty close to the edges to be right next to them, Abhi exclaims in worry "No!  Dangerous!!  "Rabeeed!" making teeth motions.  I say don't worry its okay!

See, here's where no one will believe me because it was just the most fricking hilarious little scene/stunt ever and even local Indian people stopped to watch and laughed some chuckles-- a "teen" monkey comes out to me and grabs my bare foot-- I yell "NO!  get outta here!" and swat him away with my scarf.   Obviously our close human counter parts saw my bare huge big toe and thought my god, what IS that!!  a mutant human-- jimmy, go check it out and report back!!! IT CAN'T BE HUMAN!!!

Abhi is freaking out.  "Watch out, get away from them!!!"   Then the little guy rushes at me again and grabs the bottom of the scarf (beaded) and fingers it a little, like "oh, this is nice" but I have to pull it from his tiny human hands and swish him away.  He races up the fence, grabs a thin light green plastic shopping bag that floats up near him, and pulls it straight down over his head.  He tries to jump up to grab the rails but falls because he can't see with the bag over his head.  Now Abhi is laughing too.  The monkey pushes the bag up just enough to become a hat, now he can see but he keeps it on his head, and starts racing around with the other "kids" trying to grab the bag off  his head.  I mean I could watch this crap for 10 hours straight and still never get enough.  It is beyond incredible how much they are exactly like us, but cuter.  truly.

Okay we've got to get to the vomiting section cause that seems interesting in the title.  I think Abhiminyu, with all the "wine shop" and now this temple, thinks I'm pretty open to Indian stuff, so he asks if I ever chewed Paan.   (its betel nuts, cloves, cardamon, peppermint, and other stuff wrapped in a big green leaf, used for good digestion, mouth freshener, etc.).  Sold by tiny "Paan Shops"-- yes, there should be a tv series---and I say well I never really tried it.  I see online that South Indians think Northern Indians are course and disgusting because they chew Paan and spit.  He says I will get you some.  (Now I vaguely remember that perhaps SOME of this paan has a bit of the old 420 in it) so I thought hey maybe he will get us that kind at this dumpy shop.

Paan Shop man making custom Paan

Paan ingredients before being rolled into "chewing" wraps

He hands me my concoction in the big leaf-- its just too big, I cant even fit it all in my mouth.  He keeps motioning "all of it, all of it, just chew, no eat"  so I tryyyyy to make it work.   It tastes like soap and has texture of chick peas inside the leaf.   but one or two minutes into trying, my body already made up its mind, the juice is coming right back up, rejected by my smart stomach.  I motion quickly "pull over! pull over!!" and open the car door "blaaagghhhhhh" gag and vomit it all out onto the street.

Nice huh?  That's the least gross thing that has hit these streets in a while, I'd imagine.

Post-script:  Fast Forward to the next day and....severe gastric distress. 

 I'm sure the guy making the Paan in a dirty hut had lots of feces for ecoli on his hands. 

Dear Cheese, I love you and miss you so much.

One of those things that you can't bring with you like my dry goods.  I never spotted one piece of cheese until I saw this in the hotel buffet.  Tasteless nothing.  Oh U.S. cheese, I can't wait to see you.

I've only ever seen this white, flavorless cheese.

Aggravating Abhiminyu

I wish I had a picture of him before telling the stories, I will try to sneak one tomorrow before this is sent out. 

Got the photo- Abhiminyu

When it is time to leave work, Siddharth always says "I will take care of it" and very quickly calls downstairs for Abhiminyu (my driver-- it took me a week to be able to remember his name.)  Abhi  comes upstairs to my office to carry my roller bag down many flights of stairs.

One day Siddharth was busy, Abhi was 15 minutes late, and I HAD to get out of there, lots of yelling (around the office, not by or at me) that day, so I called down to the security guard and asked if Abhiminyu was there.  He said yes, right here, I said can he please come up now?  like what the hell is he waiting for? 

(there is a lot of text in this post so I will break it up with pictures of mud and garbage)

Monday- notice background man with no shoes

Moments later, he comes up looking very angry.  Brushes past me to get my bag, no talking, no smiling or greeting, walks down the stairs in seething silence, a bit of a toss of my bag into the car, slam of the door.  Drove in silence to the hotel (30 minutes, that's a lot of silence).  Barely a goodbye and kind of zooms away.  Not the usual, lets just say.

That night I asked a hotel guy-- is it wrong for a woman to call for a driver?  Should it be only a man that calls for a driver, for a woman?  and he said yes, its very humiliating for a man to be 'sent for' by a woman, its not the way its done.

Next morning, very cold silent treatment.  Oh geez, so now I've really put my foot in it.  First thing, I go in to Siddharth to tell him what happened and that I was really sorry if I offended Abhi and made him mad and that I will not call him myself anymore.  Siddharth says how do you know he was angry?  I explain all the little things that made me see he was upset.  He pushes his buzzer and his tall "man/valet/gopher" appears immediately "GET RAJ IN HERE RIGHT NOW" Siddharth yells-- Raj comes running, he is in charge of the drivers, and in Hindi, Siddharth tells him about Abhi acting angry, slamming the door, 'throwing' my bag, not speaking to me-- really exaggerates, starts yelling and lots of gesticulating and mentions nothing about why-- I pipe in -it was my fault! I said, and I add  -- Raj, its just because of me calling him, I didn't know it was not the custom!  don't get mad at him, tell him I am sorry please. 

Tuesday

Siddharth said Marni it does not matter if he is angry or not, he should never behave this way or show these emotions to an honored guest and actually he should not even speak to you when driving. I said yes but I think I offended him just when we felt like friends, and now all the guards and hangers-on downstairs have heard that I did this and it shames him.   Please call him with my apology, (as he cannot grasp enough English to understand my specific and deeply felt, complicated apology about etiquette.)

That night I get in the car and ask if Raj called him today.  YES he says, "He was very angry yelling at me" "Raj told me that you complained that I slam the door, throw the luggage, and other things."  "Why did you say that?"  "Do you want a different driver?"

Aggh!  Now he thinks this rich white bitch is ratting me out, and messing with my JOB,  making me look bad, because Raj even threatened him with losing his job, etc. 

Wednesday

So I attempted to muddle through my apology right then, telling him I'm sorry, I won't tell Raj anything anymore, it just snowballs from me to Siddharth to Raj, each time getting worse sounding and misinterpreted, I said look at me, do I look angry?  I'm not and I did not "complain" about you, I thought I made you mad, that's all.  "We are okay, no problem, I will not say anything else to Raj, (motioning the zipped lip)"  Abhi adds, "Hindi word for complaint is 'Sikhayaht'".  Yikes.  I mean he could just punch me in the head if he was so full of rage.  Yeah he would get fired, but he would be glad to get the satisfaction of beating me very badly, punishing me for shaming him.
Now, lets go to the wine store okay?  Teek-hey (ok) he replies.  The first place we stop I say "You just go because you can get the Indian price, I only get the white prices.  "White wine!! OK Abhi?  Medium quality price, Just like last time!!"  He darts expertly across between cows trucks bikes carts motorcycles to get across one of these maniacal streets and takes forever, 15 minutes, and comes back.

Thursday

Through the newspaper wrap, I can already see its not wine --one square-ish liquor bottle, and one tall  thin bottle-- not wine shaped.  He says look, excellent price!  You like it? and I open in exasperation, "Abhi, this is not wine, its vodka.  Let me see the other one.  "This is also vodka"  come on Abhiminyu-- you were with me when we bought wine-- red for you, white for me, remember?  why would you buy vodka?

Friday

 "Very sorry miss, very sorry, I am totally useless"  Yeah right, you scheister, you shnorrer.  Hold on a minute!  That was a pretty sophisticated use of English compared to his usual mutterings....

Am I getting cheated and fleeced even by my own protector/driver now?  Payback?  I believe he knew what  he was doing, that I would not demand he return it, that I would give it to him as a gift and buy more that was actually wine.  This was not a "mistake".  (Listen the two bottles totalled $13US so I'm not THAT upset but its the question of --was it on purpose)

The next store we saw was called "English Wine Shop" so I figured "hey this is great now I can even choose from a good selection"  This time I go with Abhi, and we ask for white wine through the metal bars and honestly they sold the same crap that every other store sold, no special focus on wine.  To be fair, the dude first handed us vodka, then Johnny Walker, and I had to point way in the back where I could see a dusty "Sula" label which was what I bought before.  And whatdyknow-- white price of 870Rs for one bottle.  18 bucks for a wine that would be $10 in the U.S.

Indian white wine

Now the situation is back to normal and we are friends again.  Whew.  I couldnt take 10 more days of angry silent treatment.

Lets see what 'delicate' rules of etiquette I break next, while people and animals are suffering and dying in poverty in dirt huts, it remains SOOOO important that I act correctly toward a MAN!?  Unbelievable.